OMG what a big week we have had. Sick children aside, I have stood outside in my underwear at 12:30 in morning trying to help my husband, who looked thuggish in his hooded top and tracksuit pants with no shoes break into my car because I locked the keys in it. What a sight that would have been if the Google Earth van came around at that particular time. At least Hubby wouldn’t have been able to be identified due to the hood covering his face. Me on the other hand with my knickers and tank top (FYI wore the good knickers that day – Thank you….Thank you very much).
It all started at 11:00pm when I realised I didn’t know where my keys were. This was just as we had prepared for bed and Hubby came out of the bathroom with his light saber in full sight (go one, you can surely guess what I mean by his light saber….quick hint…..it’s nothing to do with Star Wars). It was then that I broke the news that I think my keys might be in the car. He threw his ‘thugwear car breaking into’ outfit on and headed outside with me close behind….in my knickers and tank. Sure enough, there twinkling in the torch light were my keys. It was at this time that I got the giggles. All I could think of was how I was going to put this in a blog post. More giggles at the thought of thinking about giggling and then I couldn’t stop.
Let’s get the spare key….ummmm….what is this spare key thing you talk about then?
The key would have to be in a locked box we have….quick get the key to that….as it then dawned on us that we have in fact (by we I mean Hubby) lost the key to the locked box. Time to forget the car and concentrate on the locked box key all whilst giggling (mostly the giggles were on the inside now as not sure Hubby would have joined my gigglefest). ½ later….Ding ding ding….We found the locked box key. This was a high five moment. Like truly we high fived at midnight. Quick grab the box.
Nope….no spare car key in there. Grabbing a coat hanger and walking around the house to grab anything MaGyver like that could find and we headed back outside…..Long story short. Thanks to my mother in law the keys were released the following morning.
After a day of work the following day I was glad to be able to tell my Hubby about the man who came to get the keys out. Naturally, this was followed by my sudden urge to prove I could juggle. I say naturally because that urge comes across everyone….often….doesn’t it….
No you say….Okay, moving on then.
Grabbing the closest thing that I could see three of, I grabbed the instant soup packets from the bench. Sure enough after a few practise shots I had managed to get a solid 6 seconds of juggling in. Please remember this was a three item juggle, not a simpleton two item toss around. At the 6 second mark, as if in slow motion I leant forward to grab that box of soup but missed judged my timing (a common mistake from us jugglers). I saw it tumble, I saw it turn and I saw it flip but there was nothing I could do. It had passed the point of no return and it had its eye on its landing pad. The landing pad was in fact my left breast.
I know I know, you are thinking but it was just a small instant soup box. True but the impact of that box which happened to set itself up on the angle that would make sure it hit on the 2cm bottom corner and connect with my breast with this pointy angle was that of kicking a man in the balls. Aunty Agony had arrived in town. Unlike the men you see who drop to the floor and roll around, I was brave very brave!! Being the juggling performer that I am not trained to be, the show must go on!! With a smile and a nod I picked up my soup box, placed in on the bench and left the stage. The agony is insane I tell you. I will not however let this deter me from juggling. The world needs more jugglers out there!!
Following on from the mention of sick children at the begining of this blog, I stay in on the Friday night with one of the kids. As it is so cold, my eldest and I decided we will watch a movie in the bedroom. She gets that set up and I put a load of washing one. Ahhh time to relax. Movie finished and my daughter heads out to get ready for bed.
‘Mum….you better come down here’ is the call I hear. However being so warm in the bed I am not terribly enthused to jump out.
‘Why what’s wrong?’ I call out.
‘You just need to come down here’ OMG child stop with the riddles and just tell me what the problem is. I’m not playing the hot and cold game. I’m not playing the question game. Just tell me what is wrong.
‘Seriously just come down here Mum!!’
So out I get and head down to see a river of water. Ok not a river but an ocean of water. That’s fine I can handle that. I get out my dingy and oar and head around the corner to the kids bedrooms. OMG WTF!! Water everywhere. Under beds, under dressing tables, under tall boys, absolutely FUCKING (sorry Mum and Dad) EVERYWHERE!! I burst into tears because hey what’s a few more litres of water – and it felt like I cried litres. Have I ever mentioned before that I am an ugly cryer….
Call my husband to tell him to come straight home from Netball because he usually hangs around after each game to chat. Didn’t realise his game was still on. He didn’t take too well to the ‘come straight home when you are finished’. Things get a bit heated and he hung up on me. More tears. The neighbour then happened to call to say she was bringing some pies over. More tears. Then she comes over with pies. More tears. She goes to survey the damage. I see it again and guess what….more fucking tears. I’m cried out, nobody loves me and I might as well go eat worms – See what I did there. Great book that one from back when I was a kid.
Husband gets home – neighbour leaves – shows him the pies first – men love food so I think that might have took the pressure off me J then all hands on deck. Every towel in the house out of the cupboard and we start the stomp dance. Although there is no music and definitely no conversation happening and will never be happening again because at that very moment I was never speaking to my husband EVER again. Never would I speak to him. It would be tough living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed but not a word was ever going to be directed at him again!! However 5 minutes later I forgot about that decision DAMN it!!
Managed to call a carpet man out, who got to work quick fast and managed to help us save the carpets!!
As I stand here now, I look around at all the crusty old – will never use them again quilt cover sets that I have collected over the years. The kids One Direction and Fairies quilt cover sets that they would never in a million years let me put on their beds again. So one good thing that has come out of this is the clean up that I have been forced into doing along with the 6 odd socks that I found and none of them are pairs!!!! How does that happen.
So that was the week that was for Kelly!!